As with each Mandala I do, it is always surprising to see how the process of creating the Mandala mimics the energies of the season itself. I really had no idea in my mind for what I wanted this one to look like. But, one day, I figured I needed to get started on it so I sat down and got to work. After only a couple of hours, I basically had the whole outline of it complete, and I thought it looked like a pretty good representation of Scorpio. It was a pleasant surprise, as I was not expecting to get it done that quickly.
Over the next couple days I began working on the shading aspect of the piece, and that’s where I kept running into issues. Just about everything I tried I was not happy with. I wasn’t exactly sure what it was I was trying to accomplish with the shading, but none of the things I was trying felt right. I must have shaded and erased the whole darn thing at least four or five times. Then, after much frustration, I decided to scratch the whole Mandala and start over.
Round two. I kept the first part of the center layer the same, but I knew the outer layers weren’t what I had wanted because I couldn’t get the shading on the previous one. Even with this second draft, I completely erased and re-did the outer layers about three times, until finally, I had what I was looking for. And after that, the shading came so naturally. It’s funny, this was the first Mandala in the series where I had finished one, but then completely tossed it and started over. And it went through way more revisions than the previous three. Fitting that the Scorpio one it went through many of its own deaths and transformations in order to become what it was meant to be. There is something so magical about this whole process that I absolutely love. Each and every one I do is always there to teach me and show themselves to me, wholeheartedly. It can be a scary process sometimes and I never really know what they’re going to look like. What if they’re terrible? What if I can’t get what I’m looking for, what if this is the month I can’t complete one? What if I can’t come up with anything meaningful to write about them? But I always just need to have that trust. Trust in the unknowing and mystery of the whole process. I might not be able to for see each outcome, or know in what details it will all unfold, but it’s in that unknowing that you open yourself up to receiving, and everything will work out just as it meant to.
As you’re probably aware, I am late in posting this Mandala and my writings on it. I finished the drawing in Scorpio season, but couldn’t quite figure out what I wanted to say. I actually completed the Sagittarius Mandala and article before coming back to this one. I think I was getting too lost in the deep emotions of Scorpio, that I needed the lightness of Sagittarius to help show me what I wanted to say. One of the reasons I was having trouble writing this article, was because I was going about it in the wrong way. Trying to write it in the same style as the previous three just wasn’t working. And who says I need to keep it the same? So, I decided to share with you all my thoughts and feelings on Scorpio through a story, a piece of poetry, portraying how I have been experiencing her energies as of late. I have never really written anything quite like this before, but I am pleased with how it turned out. I hope you all enjoy it and can come away with some sort of feeling of what a Scorpio experience is like.
Your Eyes hold an intoxicating darkness. Pulling my attention and flirting with my curiosity, they usher me to dwell deeper inside.
They tease me with a secret, and my desire grows. What is the world that lies beyond those mystical brown doorways?
A mystery begging to be solved, and I will not rest until I find an answer.
So I lose myself in your stare, and the days continue to go by. Any notion of the time and place I was dwelling previously, seems to escape me.
But the more and more I gaze into that darkness, the more I realize I am only staring back at myself.
What could that possibly mean?
I begin to feel paralyzed by the second guessing, by the voice telling me I have strayed too far from my safety.
But Your Eyes.
There is a strange familiarity in their mystery. Although frightening, I can’t help but trust in the promise of what they tempt me with on the other side. So, I jump.
Farther and farther I fall into you now, uncovering hidden stars of your essence I could not see from the surface above. I soak in their magic as they welcome me, lighting up the darkness which I fly through.
As I push my way deeper into your mystery however, I also find myself traveling deeper into mine. Each new revelation of your truth stands to halt me dead in my tracks, requiring that I shed another layer of my own cloak.
The first few layers flew off with ease I hardly even noticed. But now as we travel farther into the depth of my heart, the more I want to remain covered in my dark blanket of safety. We are closer to revealing my naked truth and I stand quivering, vulnerable in your deep brown gaze.
My vision remains locked with yours, reminding me to trust that Your Eyes will keep me safe. I keep my faith as I make the decision to let my inner layers fall to ground.
All of my walls come crumbling down, all my barricades, everything that once kept me safe. It feels as though I am in completely uncharted territory.
I begin to notice an ease in my breathing. I feel light. Everything I once chose to use as a covering, is now gone. Everything that was residing in the darkness, hidden from anyone, even from my own gaze, is now out in the open light.
What, then, is left of me? All that I thought I was is now removed from my being, and I haven’t the slightest idea of what remains.
I feel so small. There is nothing left for me to do, nowhere further for me to fall except to my knees.
I kneel before you as all that I am. Offering to you whatever truth remains.
But Your Eyes.
I lift my head to meet your gaze and face my fate. Your look pierces through my heart like a sword of ice, sending a shiver straight through my bones.
Everything changes as the curtains are pulled back, the windows made clear. Your eyes, once cloaked in a dark mystery, now reveal the light of a truth I have never seen before.
Here we are, two sets of eyes, open wide and completely honest, finally revealing all that they hold within them. The doorways to the galaxies beyond are finally opened. The Mystery solved.
Here I stand naked and humbled before God, and in his eyes is my own reflection. The knowledge of this truth generates a Love I have never felt before.
A Love that shakes me to my core, and transforms my whole world. The realization of this Love within me gives me the power to stand back up and make the journey back towards the surface.
This sacred place. It’s sweet taste will remain on my tongue as a reminder of what I need to do to come back here. And I can return on my own anytime I chose, all I need to do is dive inward.
But Your Eyes.
They hold a copy of the key, unlocking the door to my heart with just once glance. You too can come back to this place within me at anytime, I want you to have that power. Call upon me and proclaim that I open up fully before you, that we may come together in this place again and again.
Your Eyes are my home, each look reminding me of the beautiful mystery they carry inside. It is within your gaze I wish to reside for eternity.